Thursday, April 01, 2010

Cognac production to move to England

In a shock announcement last night French president Nicolas Sarkozy confirmed recent rumours that global warming has finally taken it's toll on the world famous cognac industry.

"For some time now we have realised that the change in climate has been affecting the quality of cognac produced. Experts deliberated long and hard and discovered that Tunbridge Wells has the ideal mixture of  soil, temperature, rainfall and sunshine" said the President.

Details are sketchy but it's thought that major producers like Courvoisier, Remy Martin and Martell will simply move lock, stock and (1,000,000) barrels across the channel.  Employees with specialist knowledge are likely to move too and there's even talk of dismantling the famous Hennessy chateau and moving it on the TGV.

Avril LePremiere (pictured here with President Sarkozy) is the chic spokesperson for the mayor of Cognac and she confirmed the switch:

"In the long run we hope to also swap the names of the towns. Tunbridge Wells will become part of the Charente and Cognac will become the administrative capital of the county of Kent. Vines are being planted as we speak and the full move is likely to occur on 1st April 2020".

It's also rumoured that the whole champagne region are in advanced discussions with local councils in County Durham but this is yet to be confirmed.


Jocelyn said...

Haha just read this, and considering we are not the 1st of April any more, I jumped in my seat... :)

graham downie said...

Sorry did get a few other people going too, including the editor of a well known magazine (no names mentioned).